everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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