so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
