It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
