i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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