Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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