i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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