I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I believe in your delicious
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
