This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
