I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's never too late to be topless.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
