Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
