I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
