I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
