At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
