filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
