I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
