you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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