he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
