drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
