Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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