is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
