eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
