I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
