why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
