A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
