He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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