i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
