I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
