if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
