can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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