The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
