Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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