So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
