need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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