would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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