My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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