So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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