you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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