Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
