i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
