I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
