I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
