Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
