So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
