Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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