Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
