I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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