whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
