"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
