Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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