this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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