Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The power of my boobs compel you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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